One of the most contrived and ridiculous D&D monsters of all-time is the Gelatinous Cube. A nearly-invisible mass of slime that just happens to be exactly the same size and volume as those ridiculous 10' x 10' dungeon corridors.
Those opening sentences do not reflect my own opinions. They are the edited and condensed views of quite a few op-ed pieces I've seen on this wondrous Internet of ours.
This is another example of, in my opinion, the disservice done to our beloved hobby by overwrought rulebooks that strive to tell players exactly how their game should be played. Yes - that's my opinion. Filling up an entire page with exposition that explains just how to include a monster, along with the actions said monster should probably take in combat - well, at what point can we just dispense with the DM?
While I acknowledge that many players want or even need all these rules and guidelines, it does make for more bloated and expensive rulebooks, bigger learning curves, drawn-out and rules-heavy gaming sessions, and tons of wasted space. Do we need an entire (5E) page for the Piercer? Do the (5E) monster illustrations really need to fill half a page? I've found that a lot of players and DMs prefer not to use something that they don't like or understand in the rulebooks. And, of course, the premise of the game actively encourages this. I've even met some folks that do without the classic dungeon environment entirely because it's just too silly to them. That's fair.
And I'm not insisting that the older editions are "better" than the new editions.
Just so we're clear.
For myself, I prefer to actually treat what I read or see in a D&D book as guidelines - all of it. By way of example, let's take the Gelatinous Cube. This is a classic D&D monster. How do I know? It appears in the first release of the game in 1974/1975, and in every core monster book from 1E thru 5E. Still, people make sarcastic comments about the thing. How does it even kill people? How slow or dumb do you have to be to get caught by one? Well - that depends on the DM.
First - the 'Cube is not a hunter. It's a scavenger. It isn't chasing you down. The 'Cube is almost invisible in its natural state. This means that a lot of its prey comes to the 'Cube. You're strolling (or fleeing) down a corridor and - SPLOOP! And, that's just in default mode. If the DM really wants to 'Cube a PC, there are plenty of ways. Dead-end corridor - and a 'Cube glops its way into the other end, blocking your only escape route. You fall into a 10' x 10' x 10' pit...and...heeeeeeeere comes a 'Cube - just the right size to *PLOP*. Let's not even bother with slides or teleporters. It's like dissolving adventurers in a barrel full of acid.
What follows is MY version of the Gelatinous Cube for MY setting. Your turgidity may vary.
The Gelatinous Cube is an amorphous mass of transparent protoplasm. Being amorphous, it can change shape without much effort at all. When the 'Cube is 10' x 10' x 10', it is typically filling the empty available space around it. Otherwise, the creature can be a sphere, a pyramid, a torus, a giant puddle, a shapeless mass - or just about any other simple form that suits its immediate needs or environs. Somewhere near the center of the gelatinous form is a kind of "cognitive center" or "brain."
But, the Gelatinous Cube is non-intelligent. That is true - but the Slithering Tracker isn't.
Oh, look - another transparent, paralyzing monster made of jelly. But, this one is smaller, faster, and smarter. Still, my mind likes to connect and share things. Sometimes, the whole can be more interesting (and deadly) than the sum of its parts.
Consider the Slithering Tracker as the "brains" of the Gelatinous Cube. However, the 'Tracker is often out and about - hunting. During these times, the 'Cube is its usual mindless, scavenging self. On the rare occasion that the 'Tracker is part of the 'Cube, the 'Cube is treated as a smarter monster - but the 'Tracker is usually easier to see because it has recently fed on blood. The Gelatinous Cube becomes a two-part monster with an increased threat potential.
Were I inclined to accept text and illustrations at face value, the setting of Avremier probably wouldn't even exist - and I sure wouldn't be creating these fun monster variants. Maybe most players aren't used to DMs that innovate. I can understand that. It's not necessary for an enjoyable game. But, the attraction of D&D for myself is the spaces between the rules, stats, and pictures. That's what I strive to fill.
Those opening sentences do not reflect my own opinions. They are the edited and condensed views of quite a few op-ed pieces I've seen on this wondrous Internet of ours.
This is another example of, in my opinion, the disservice done to our beloved hobby by overwrought rulebooks that strive to tell players exactly how their game should be played. Yes - that's my opinion. Filling up an entire page with exposition that explains just how to include a monster, along with the actions said monster should probably take in combat - well, at what point can we just dispense with the DM?
While I acknowledge that many players want or even need all these rules and guidelines, it does make for more bloated and expensive rulebooks, bigger learning curves, drawn-out and rules-heavy gaming sessions, and tons of wasted space. Do we need an entire (5E) page for the Piercer? Do the (5E) monster illustrations really need to fill half a page? I've found that a lot of players and DMs prefer not to use something that they don't like or understand in the rulebooks. And, of course, the premise of the game actively encourages this. I've even met some folks that do without the classic dungeon environment entirely because it's just too silly to them. That's fair.
And I'm not insisting that the older editions are "better" than the new editions.
Just so we're clear.
For myself, I prefer to actually treat what I read or see in a D&D book as guidelines - all of it. By way of example, let's take the Gelatinous Cube. This is a classic D&D monster. How do I know? It appears in the first release of the game in 1974/1975, and in every core monster book from 1E thru 5E. Still, people make sarcastic comments about the thing. How does it even kill people? How slow or dumb do you have to be to get caught by one? Well - that depends on the DM.First - the 'Cube is not a hunter. It's a scavenger. It isn't chasing you down. The 'Cube is almost invisible in its natural state. This means that a lot of its prey comes to the 'Cube. You're strolling (or fleeing) down a corridor and - SPLOOP! And, that's just in default mode. If the DM really wants to 'Cube a PC, there are plenty of ways. Dead-end corridor - and a 'Cube glops its way into the other end, blocking your only escape route. You fall into a 10' x 10' x 10' pit...and...heeeeeeeere comes a 'Cube - just the right size to *PLOP*. Let's not even bother with slides or teleporters. It's like dissolving adventurers in a barrel full of acid.
What follows is MY version of the Gelatinous Cube for MY setting. Your turgidity may vary.
The Gelatinous Cube is an amorphous mass of transparent protoplasm. Being amorphous, it can change shape without much effort at all. When the 'Cube is 10' x 10' x 10', it is typically filling the empty available space around it. Otherwise, the creature can be a sphere, a pyramid, a torus, a giant puddle, a shapeless mass - or just about any other simple form that suits its immediate needs or environs. Somewhere near the center of the gelatinous form is a kind of "cognitive center" or "brain."
But, the Gelatinous Cube is non-intelligent. That is true - but the Slithering Tracker isn't.
 | |
| The 2E entry - since it has a nice illustration. |
Consider the Slithering Tracker as the "brains" of the Gelatinous Cube. However, the 'Tracker is often out and about - hunting. During these times, the 'Cube is its usual mindless, scavenging self. On the rare occasion that the 'Tracker is part of the 'Cube, the 'Cube is treated as a smarter monster - but the 'Tracker is usually easier to see because it has recently fed on blood. The Gelatinous Cube becomes a two-part monster with an increased threat potential.
Were I inclined to accept text and illustrations at face value, the setting of Avremier probably wouldn't even exist - and I sure wouldn't be creating these fun monster variants. Maybe most players aren't used to DMs that innovate. I can understand that. It's not necessary for an enjoyable game. But, the attraction of D&D for myself is the spaces between the rules, stats, and pictures. That's what I strive to fill.
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